Ahoy LAN-Lubbers!

As I’ve told every friend I’ve every had, I’ll watch just about anything. I was raised in a multi-media household. Reading never held the same appeal for me that it did for my siblings, my parents or most people I know. It’s not that I’m unintelligent or anything, television and films have always been much more enthralling to me.

Luckily I grew up with a family where that was okay. We had family movie nights (well, at least myself and the parents movie nights) all the way through high school. Even beyond when you count the times I visited home during college. While my parents and I would regularly watch TV as a family, there was just something extra special, extra significant about those movie nights.

Family movie night was the best. Friday nights at the end of a long school/work week we’d get some take out, hunker down and watch whatever mysterious movies my dad had picked out from the blockbuster across the street. Sometimes it would be a well-known, big budget movie we didn’t catch in theatres. Sometimes, it was a super low budget indie film we’d never heard of that turned out to be a diamond in the rough. Sometimes it was Dogville.

I’ve never seen Nicole Kidman get raped so many times over the course of three and a half hours, and to be honest, I never care to again. But I digress.

Due to the almost roulette-like element of chance that accompanied the movie night, I think I’ve gained a super human tolerance for things that other people couldn’t dream of dealing with.

To be fair, we usually watched movies that were at least decent, and I think this abnormal tolerance for the abysmal was brought on by a great many factors, but I think it was family movie night that really let me appreciate a great variety of media, and to appreciate the good in films other people might call unwatchable.

At any rate, as I grew up I gradually noticed something peculiar, something that sets me apart from most people in a way that isn’t especially useful or admirable. In some way I think this personal truth definitely defines me as a person, and it happens to be the reason why I’m writing this at all.

I like terrible television.

There are no two ways about it: I like…no I LOVE terrible television. I get excited about the types of things that make other people groan, or even cause their heads explode! One doesn’t exactly make light conversation at a college party talking about the latest unbelievably over the top competition anime.

Speaking of competition anime, it’s one of my all-time favorite genres. There’s just something about the way the Japanese try to make the most mundane things seem unbelievably exciting in the same way that their shows about warrior aliens with super powers do that is utterly hysterical to me.

You see, as anime crept its way into American homes it started small. First there was the occasional trickle of things like Sailor Moon and the original Dragon Ball. Then came Pokemon and Digimon, which were fairly mainstream at the time. Once they came over the floodgates were opened and we were blessed with gems like Beyblade, Bakugan and, perhaps my all time favorite, Yu-Gi-Oh!

So, what exactly are we all doing here? I am an aspiring writer. I graduated from Emerson College with a degree in media production and a concentration in screenwriting. Clearly, as I have suggested, television is a big part of my life. But as I continue my vain efforts to get into a Hollywood writer’s room I have been searching for an outlet for my writing. Something that I could consistently write about without getting bored, something that I’m actually somewhat well-versed in. Somehow it took me all this time to realize that one of the things which most defines me was the obvious subject for my blog: bad television.

In summary, I’m starting a blog to write about bad television, so that you can learn about these bizarre and unsung series without subjecting yourself to the trauma. I’m going to start with series of personal importance to me, and after I have covered those bases, I will open myself to any challenges you may have for me. As I’ve already said: I’ll watch just about anything.

Hopefully you find the experience educational. Maybe I’ll even find some other people with similarly terrible taste in television and I can finally bond with someone over it. At the end of the day, though, we’re going to be dealing with some unbelievable material and I believe that the inquiring minds of the internet have the right to know about it!

To kick things off, I have selected two shows that I think will prove to be an effective gateway into some of the more ridiculous things that I will surely delve into later on. My plan is to go episode-by-episode through the first season of each of these shows that I’m analyzing, and return to deal with the rest of the series if they prove popular enough, or if I find some other justification to do so.

The first of the two shows I will guide you through is Code Lyoko, an anime series about kids fighting an evil computer virus in a virtual world. It has a fairly straightforward premise so I think everyone should be able to follow along.

The other show we will start with is called Cardfight! Vanguard, which is an anime about a pretty unremarkable card game that everyone in their world treats with the utmost gravitas. This show is a little bit more out there in terms of its general concept, but it has a pretty soft learning curve in terms of telling you what on Earth is going on.

The first week of each project I will post a general sort of show summary, to give you an idea of some of the characters and the premise of each show, so that when the true horror begins you will know what you’re dealing with.

Welcome to the Cove of Solitude!